I'm a dumb fuck

I mess things up. Everything I touch falls to peaces. I'm toxic. I'm poison.
Something some said to me really hit me. "Your life isn't that bad, get over it!" or something like that....Yeah......I know It's not that bad.................So I left......Left so I couldn't be such a crybaby any longer.
Coffee. I love coffee. I hope that theres some made downstairs.... I'm hungry but my stomachs upset at the same time. Coffee with be better.....

Shit:\

Up all night worrying that I won't be able to pull myself out of this slip. Since about 10 last night I've been trying to sleep... It's 5:05 am. :(

Scared

Some secrets of mine are better kept to myself.....

Did I lose weight or is it all in my head?

My boobs are gone, so I know I had to have lost.. But Patience says I don't look like I lost.

3/30/12  No idea what I weigh... Will not check to scared.

Two weeks ago. Doctor said I was 105, but I think the scale was incorrect.

During recovery, when I was doing very well: 113-114 about  3/1-6/12

SORRY FOR THE SAME PIC MORE THAN ONCE, i SUCK AT BLOGGING AND CANT GE TIT TO DELETE! >_<

Its not even really abt my body that much anymore so why am I freakin out abt a skirt not fitting?
I want to purge till I cant fuckin move..
I want to let what seemed like such a beautiful dream to me go. (recovering)
I want to just... Go back. Just... Let go of everything.
I have been separating myself from everyone. My girlfriend even. You all know how much I love her to peaces, I don't even want to be around her a lot anymore. I'm drawing THAT far away... 
Everything is just CRUSHING disappoint in my world right now it seems.
I really need some professional help.
I've had so many suicidal thoughts its unbelievable. Literally, I can just look at something and instantly in my head is 5 ways to kill myself. I can look at a paper bag and think of 4 right now. Lmfao....
So I'm logging off. this may be the only post i've left up in.. 4/5 days? (but i'll probably come back and delete it in a hour..) see.. I'm even drawing away from u guys. 
Ganna lay on my bed naked and open up the windows in my room so i'll be cold as fuck. 
BTW, I wouldn't kill myself. I've put to much effort into living, and that would really hurt my Girlfriend..

tw. Post I deleted form THIN multiple times.

Its not even really abt my body that much anymore so why am I freakin out abt a skirt not fitting?
I want to purge till I cant fuckin move..
I want to let what seemed like such a beautiful dream to me go. (recovering)
I want to just... Go back. Just... Let go of everything.
I have been separating myself from everyone. My girlfriend even. You all know how much I love her to peaces, I don't even want to be around her a lot anymore. I'm drawing THAT far away... 
Everything is just CRUSHING disappoint in my world right now it seems.
I really need some professional help.
I've had so many suicidal thoughts its unbelievable. Literally, I can just look at something and instantly in my head is 5 ways to kill myself. I can look at a paper bag and think of 4 right now. Lmfao....
So I'm logging off. this may be the only post i've left up in.. 4/5 days? (but i'll probably come back and delete it in a hour..) see.. I'm even drawing away from u guys. 
Ganna lay on my bed naked and open up the windows in my room so i'll be cold as fuck. 
BTW, I wouldn't kill myself. I've put to much effort into living, and that would really hurt my Girlfriend..

Over?

I want this to end. I just want to be done.. DONE... I wanna purge and I wanna fall right back into my old habits .
My sickness feels like home and damn am I homesick.
I realized how Different it (ED) is now than before.. Its SO not about my apperiance more than just coping. I NEED it... I need something. ANYTHING.....
FUCK..